or even show an iota of any emotion in the proper way that it should be displayed and there's just this sudden need to just go somewhere quiet and gradually fade from there; to just walk for hours and lose myself in the sound of my footsteps and my breathing. To space out without any idea of time passing, without any thought of living and without the very idea of a center.
This is for taking away gravity and bringing it back once I reached cloud height. It wasn't the long slow fall that I imagined, when it happened, it was a straight downward plunge, no slow motion, or graceful descent. Full and deep impact. Just after tonight easy and comfortable sleep would be elusive once again, and fuck if I'd care to look for it, to care for another futile act in my history of desperate futile attempts; all attempts made with full proper knowledge beforehand.
The resulting radiation is caving in my chest at the moment and I'm finding it hard to breath, I thought I had been here before but I was wrong again. This is something entirely fresh and an entirely new world of pain, when my last thought was your laughter and little story about your hair before ground zero disappeared, before I was swallowed up by the passionate force and heat of perhaps a thousand suns in the space of a few seconds.
At this time, I don't even have enough push to wonder what is left, there's just a vague feeling of breathing and being there. When vision returns for a moment, reality fucks me up as I find you superimposed in everything, then I drift away again and so very little remains. Even if this is me, this is you; and this is us most of all. What very little remains belong to the wind and at the mercy of the radioactive wind. I had wanted to die in your arms, looking at your eyes and you. There is just no one here beneath this mushroom cloud.
If I cannot think and feel, am I still...
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